When it comes to cheeky historical revisionism, British filmmakers have Hollywood beat.
Yes, this June brings “Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.†But in that movie, Honest Abe is the hero (and the cruel bloodsuckers actually work as a neat metaphor for parasitical plantation owners).
The new “The Pirates! Band of Misfits,†however, takes far bigger risks by making Queen Victoria the villain. A pretty mad villain, too, with popping eyes, steel-plated petticoats and an obsession with pirates.
As far as beloved national icons go, it’s a little like someone making a Colonial “Night of Ye Living Dead†â€" and having George Washington as one of the brain-munching zombies.
But for all its rude Britannia attitude, “The Pirates! Band of Misfits†still doesn’t quite work.
Based on two books from a children’s series â€" hence the clumsy title â€" the film is from our old friends at Aardman, who came up with the delightful Wallace and Gromit shorts and have spent the last decade or so pretty much winning all the animation Oscars that Pixar didn’t.
Over their last few films, though, they’ve altered their approach, concentrating on features (even though they don’t always have the material to fill them out) and hiring movie stars to do the characters’ voices.
Both changes make sense commercially. Neither has helped them artistically.
The story here, apart from being a bit sloppy (its mad mix of history could make teachers weep), isn’t engaging. Even with a “Pirate of the Year†contest, an encounter with Charles Darwin and an endangered-animals message, there’s just not enough going on.
And although Hugh Grant is the supposed draw as the dully named Captain Pirate, he’s all wrong for the part. The point is that the buccaneer is a bit of a fop; the joke would be to cast not the similar, vocally elegant Grant but a rough-hewn opposite like Brendan Gleeson (who actually has a smaller part in the film, as “Pirate With Goutâ€).
But Grant adds nothing surprising to the dialogue, and Gleeson is wasted. As are most of the rest of the vocal talent, including Salma Hayek as a sexy pirate queen. (Only Imelda Staunton, as the ferocious Queen Vic, actually creates a character.)
Of course, some of the Aardman magic remains.
Even though it’s had some computer help, the frame-by-frame clay work is still inspiring. The animators are still at their best with animals, too, with the funniest character in the whole film being Mr. Bobo, Darwin’s man … er, chimpservant.
The artists are also good at hiding lots of little gags in the frame, mostly in posters, ballots and other bits of printed ephemera. And there are a few surprisingly dark, adult jokes. (How many times have you seen a children’s film with a leprosy gag?)
But there aren’t enough jokes, and the film’s two big chase scenes â€" once an Aardman trademark â€" feel like let’s-get-through-this obligations.
The filmmakers have said they are already dreaming up a sequel. They needn’t hurry. Whatever treasures these pirates have are well buried.
Ratings note: The film contains violence and some mildly rude humor.
'The Pirates! Band of Misfits'
(PG) Columbia (88 min.)
Directed by Peter Lord, Jeff Newitt. With the voices of Hugh Grant, Brendan Gleeson. Now playing in New Jersey.
TWO STARS
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