Of all the ways to announce the end of a relationship, posting a prayer on Instagram is a choice. When "The Bachelor" alum Matt James used this method to announce his breakup with Rachael Kirkconnell to the world, it was a wildly different approach from the usual carefully crafted celebrity breakup statements most often seen on social media.
There was no joint message or vague language about the love shared and the "privacy needed at this time." It was simply James going rogue, reportedly blindsiding both Kirkconnell and fans alike. "This breakup announcement was extremely poorly done on Matt's part," Nabeela Aysen, a crisis communication expert, says. "He was not thinking about the immediate repercussions, and this is every agent and publicist's nightmare."
As messy as high-profile breakups may be behind closed doors, the way they're announced on social media is normally down to a science. Every word, platform, and timing decision is meticulously planned, often passing through layers of publicists, managers, strategists, and lawyers before it ever reaches the public.
Of course, it's up to the people involved in the breakup to stick to the script. But like James, some throw strategy all out the window — and when this happens, the fallout can be messy. "A less-than-perfect breakup announcement can potentially carry long-term career consequences like sponsorships and networking opportunities," Aysen says. This is why she "always" advises celebrities and influencers to work with their teams to address the breakup.
So what does the behind the scenes process look like? And how is a celebrity breakup announcement crafted? Aysen and Ulyses Osuna, a crisis management expert, explain the intricate process of the celebrity breakup post.
Experts Featured in This Article
Nabeela Aysen, MS, is a crisis communications expert for a variety of organizations, politicians, and sports athletes. She is also the founder and publicist at Nabeela PR.
Ulyses Osuna is a crisis management expert specializing in high-profile narratives, including celebrity breakup announcements on social media. He is also the founder of Influencer Press.
Before crafting a celebrity breakup post, the couple has to decide if they want to announce the breakup to the public in the first place. According to Aysen, however, they often don't have much of a choice. "I've never experienced a situation where a celebrity or influencer couple was advised not to announce their breakup on social media," Aysen says. "We have found that more and more fans actually demand an explanation due to their investment in the celebrity's or influencer's life."
The one rare exception: Taylor Swift's breakup with Joe Alwyn. Both Swift and Alwyn avoided making any statements about their breakup, which Aysen says may have actually been a strategic move on Swift's part. "This allowed her to maintain control of the narrative (or lack thereof)," Aysen says. "Any public statement would have given media outlets something tangible to dissect, interpret, and spin, which happens often in the celeb world. Silence, however, kept the focus on her art and upcoming projects, instead of allowing the breakup to dominate headlines."
In most cases, however, posting a mutual statement with an ex partner can be the best way forward. But depending on the celebrity, they may not be crafting the statement at all. According to Aysen, the publicist and agent or talent manager of the star in question work together to write the social media statement. "Depending on how bad the breakup is, we also work with their ex significant other's team to ensure they are happy with our messaging," she says.
As for what goes into the statement, Osuna says there are three unspoken rules that must be included in every breakup announcement: request privacy for both parties, avoid blame, and keep it brief. This is the cookie-cutter template most celebrities go with. According to Osuna, the ultimate goal of the announcement is to avoid being the topic of conversation. "You want the news to wash down with another news cycle," he says.
Aysen says the statement should strike a balance between grace, privacy, and respect for both parties. This means most breakup announcements will use "we" language, to show a united front, and they will also avoid diving into the reason for the breakup. "It's best to avoid oversharing or making statements that could fuel gossip. A simple line like, 'This is a private matter, and we won't be commenting further,' can help set clear boundaries," she adds.
"You want the news to wash down with another news cycle."
Once the statement is written, it then goes to the client for approval. "If they have any edits, we work through them together so all parties are happy with the statement," Aysen says. Once the statement is agreed upon, depending on the celebrity, it could be passed to legal teams to sign off as well.
The next step: deciding where the breakup statement will be posted. Of course, there are a lot of options, ranging from YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, X, and more. (A 52-part TikTok series titled "Who TF Did I Marry?" may not be the move.) Osuna says celebrities or influencers most often post where their audience is. "Their primary platform should be where the celebrity has the most engaged followers. For many celebrities, this is Instagram, but for others, it might be X, TikTok, or even YouTube, depending on their demographic and interaction levels."
In other cases, it may be better for the team to release a statement to a news outlet or — in Kirkconnell's case — book a popular podcast. Blindsided by James' post about their breakup on Instagram, Kirkconnell shared her side on the Jan. 28 episode of "Call Her Daddy." And according to Aysen, this was a smart decision. "This approach allowed the public to form their own opinions about her perspective while minimizing any potential misunderstandings that a straight static post statement might have brought," Aysen says.
Once the statement and medium are agreed upon by everyone involved, the announcement is made. Sometimes, this happens only hours after the breakup. Other times, it can take up to a month. "Many times, the statement happens weeks or months after the breakup because we either want to come up with a larger breakup plan or breakup tour where we set up interviews with media outlets ahead of time so everything comes out at once," Aysen says.
Unfortunately, the exact nature of fan reactions and potential backlash can never be wholly anticipated. For this reason, teams may encourage their client to turn off comments or not engage in any back-and-forth, Aysen says. But ultimately, the breakup statement shouldn't stir gossip and should be low-key enough to lose interest quickly.
Ultimately, in an age of parasocial relationships, where fans feel entitled to every detail of a celebrity's personal life, the breakup post has become a dreaded (but also necessary) byproduct of a relationship's end. When done correctly, it can maintain control of the narrative. But when executed poorly or without the help of a team, it can create backlash and confusion.
In the celebrity world, there may be only one thing worse than going through a bad breakup: letting everyone on the internet know you're going through a bad breakup.
Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.
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