"Oh yeah, I remember this experience," Russell Brand recalls to a room full of TCA reporters. âItâs like being in some imaginarium or situated in purgatory where you donât entirely know where the voices are coming from.â And so begins one of the most entertaining television panels I have ever been to.
Representing his new FX late-night talk show BrandX, Brand happily sauntered on stage Saturday morning at the TCA panel in Los Angeles. His hair styled in his signature look: just-survived-a-hurricane, wearing ripped jeans, a bundle of sparkly beaded necklaces and no shoes. Yes, you read that correctly. Brand decided to let his toes go commando while many stodgy reporters were trying still trying to enjoy their breakfast. Overall, Brand's whole demeanor could be described as âhomeless chic.â
Although there was an overwhelming amount of jaw-dropping quips and comments, Hollywood.com narrowed down Russell Brandâs top ten hilarious quotes of the session. Ready, set, enjoy!
1. Reporter: "Russell, here in the center!"
Brand: âYou are easy to see. You are in a pool of light! You look like you were put there by Caravaggio!â ("I donât know who Caravaggio is.")Â âHeâs an Italian renaissance artist and heâs a great genius, but also, he killed someone in a duel! So, like, in the old days, people were like, 'Oooh, youâre an artist?' and then he would f***ing kill people!
2. "Where are your shoes?"
âTheyâre at home. Theyâre at home with their step-mum. Theyâre like my children. You donât always have to have shoes. Well, its purpose is this foot here has become hurt from what can be described as kicky boxing. I call it kicky boxing. Kick-boxing sounds so aggressive. Itâs not like I kicked someone so hard that my foot fell off. Itâs that there was an abrasiveness caused by the pad. Itâs essentially a rug burn, so I thought, donât wear shoes for a while. I mean, shoes are in themselves an oddity, an addition. Actually, the question is, why are you all wearing shoes?
3. "Question in the back, in the same neighborhood."
âSame neighborhood? Ghettoized! Looks like there are different cultures springing up within this place. Well actually, this is all very well to do. This is the Bel-Air of the critics conference.â
4. "Russell, up here on your far right!"
âBe careful how you say that, mate. This is no time to be announcing yourself as a member of the far right."
5. "Are you going back to your home country for the Olympics?"
âIâm going back there in a couple days to participate in the Olympics. Well not as an athlete, as you can see from my foot wound, but I am participating in a viewing capacity.â
6. "What is your stand on Chick-fil-a? Pro or con?"
âDidnât Chick-fil-a say that they are racist now? Oh no, homophobic! I get mixed up with the prejudices. I donât care. I donât agree with eating a chicken anyway, because I think thatâs an unkind thing to do to a chicken. Just let it carry on doing what itâs doing."
7. "Your thoughts on Bristol Palin on DWTS?"
âI donât know very much with what happens when a Palin has a baby and then it grows up to live its own life, but if itâs anything like the originator of that thing, then I guess Dancing With The Stars is the right place for it.â
8. "What kind of guests are you going to have on the show?"
âYeah, weâre going to have Charlie Sheen. I like his show on FX⦠Who else do you think, because thatâs really as far as Iâve thought? Maybe he can come on every week and weâll get a different one of his personalities.â
9. "What about Sarah Palin? What would you ask her?"
âSarah Palin would be amazing! Wouldnât she? Well, I think we all know Iâd go straight to the subtexts. Well, because I think the reason that Sarah Palin has been so long tolerated is because of that blatant inquisition around the vagina. People want to f**k her, mate! Thatâs why you tolerate the other stuff! Itâs like, okay, sheâs got mad things to say about seeing Russia out her window, but the d**k donât lie!"
10. Brand to the panel's moderator: "Couldnt you have ended it before I said that? What were you thinking?! That's all they're going to write about now. They're going to change the format now and it will say I'd f**k Srah Palin!"
Follow Leanne on Twitter @LeanneAguilera
[Photo Credit: FX]
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